Pastoral Counseling Notes

Dr. William R. Scott

This MAR elective will be the only required counseling class for the M Div.

~~~~~~~9/1

You won't have the choice whether to counsel or not, but whether to counsel with skill or not.

"We're the first line of defense."

***Read Collins, chapters 1-4 and Ciarrochi, chapter 1, and Benner chapter 1

Counseling is a listening skill. You're hearing someone's heart and pains. You are trying to identify with that hurt.

Therapeutic Relationship: the integrity of the person. This relationship has to develop. Me as minister and them as a seeking person or member. You must accept a person, then confront their sin. If this relationship doesn't develop, counseling won't take place and/or they won't come back.

The Minister's Advantage: prayer, the Holy Spirit, access to your people--asking people for needy requests (going to their door and knocking for their problems), multiple relationships with them (preacher, friend, teacher, counselor, etc.).

Pastoral Ministry: everything done within a church by the pastor

Pastoral or Christian Care: basic level of care that all Christians should exercise toward each other and toward humanity in general

Pastoral or Christian Counseling: basic short term counseling, medium expertise

Pastoral (Benner) or Christian (Collins) Psychotherapy: Masters degree or more in pastoral counseling or psychology--can probably handle all of the minor disorders--not all churches will have these, but all Christians should have access to this kind of help

Values in Counseling: It's not possible to counsel without values. From a Christian perspective, we wouldn't want to be. The choice must be theirs, ultimately.

Disclosure

Accountability

Termination

"I'll counsel you for 6 sessions and 1 in the bank, later. You can come back with a different issue and have 7 more sessions."

Counseling is a gift, talent and learned experience. It is also a theory, art and technique.

~~~~~~~9/8

Patience is learned through trials and suffering.

1. Define Pastoral Counseling

PC: helping others from a Biblical perspective, by listening, giving sound Biblical advice and giving the subject an awareness of God's grace, faithfulness and sufficiency.

Larry Crabb

Level 1 Counseling: Encouragement--Biblical Feelings

Level 2 Counseling: Exhortation--Biblical Behavior

Level 3 Counseling: Enlightenment--Biblical Thinking

God's laws that are broken are often the cause of psychological problems. If they had more faithfulness and new the incredible extent of God's faithfulness, problems would subside.

Counseling and discipleship are similar.

One's opinion of self, inflated or depressed, can help cause a problem.

The power of a positive, Christian, self-image is very healing and liberating.

Christian Counseling Book: pg. 475, 4 quadrants of sinfulness:

1. The sins that I have done.

2. I've been sinned against by others.

3. Non-specific sins; I didn't want to be that way.

4. People have problems because they live in a sinful world. (hate, bigotry, poverty, political, disease)

If they've made a sinful decision, explain how they need to make better decisions.

The Bible says that the sins of the fathers are handed down from generation to generation. i.e., alcoholism.

The most creative, fast action entertainment is commercials. Alcohol is frequently advertised in commercials.

10-46% of a pastor's time is counseling.

1. Most counseling is to restore (restorative). Adam and Eve broke fellowship and God wanted to restore their relationship and forgive them.

2. Preventive-can be done from the pulpit. Sometimes you'll never know the preventative deeds you have done by preaching against divorce, for example.

3. Educative-

2 Main Themes of Pastoral Counseling: History

1. Healing of Souls

2. Helping People with Problems of Living

Crabb says the biggest need in life is security and significance. Security-having my needs met. Significance-realizing potential, realizing identity.

Male security: vocation or goal oriented

Female security: family

The motivation for people is to meet these needs. There is a right and wrong way to meet these needs.

(Quadrants of sinfulness)

1. Don't know; false assumptions

2. Poverty, political oppression, family pathology

3. Negative feelings, lack of faith, inferiority, false assumptions or bad ways of thinking

4. Poverty, political oppression, social problems, racism, prejudice

Guilt is feeling bad for what they've done.

Shame is feeling bad about who or what they are.

When conviction comes from the Holy Spirit, we can repent or rebel.

Trying to meet needs in a wrong way leads to problems.

1. Unreachable goals result in frustration, guilt, anger

2. External circumstances won't let needs be met; leading to resentment

3. Fear of Failure; resulting in anxiety. Prolonged anxiety results in ulcers and problems. Unconfessed sin can lead to anxiety. Handling problems incorrectly can produce anxiety, fear and problems.

The devil will try and make us think incorrectly.

Spiritual and emotional maturity go hand and hand.

Blessings can be passed down when sin plagues a person. God may save the blessing and give it to the child of the next generation.

Obedience and disobedience to laws (God's, psychological, physical and natural). Obedience leads to healing and growth. Great sin in a family can hold back blessings and let God pass them to later generations.

~*~Make a list of all of the people that you need to forgive.

We can't always turn back the clock, but we can wind it up again.

Common Mistakes in Pastoral Counseling:

1. Not Listening

2. Confidentiality

3. Counseling Beyond One's Ability

4. Being Judgmental

5. Emotional Over-Involvement

6. Transference; counter-transference

7. Mis-Diagnosis

8. Taking Sides

Alcoholism:

1/4 evil spirits

1/4 family pathology

unmet needs

We can be healthy today and unhealthy tomorrow if we stop following Jesus Christ.

~~~~~~~9/15

Crisis can cause significant change.

When you lose everything that is important to you, all you have left is Christ.

When God isn't in 1^st place in your life and when you don't put him first, He may remove or cause you to lose what's in 1^st place so that He will become number 1.

People come to counseling for a relationship, because they are disconnected.

An evil spirit is usually due to pain and hurting. It's not personalized, it's venting.

Reading assignments: Benner chapters 2-3, Ciarroche chapters 2-3

~~~~~~~9/22

The Disease Model takes the responsibility off the person. It says that they have a reason to be an alcoholic that they cannot control. New science thought has proclaimed that alcoholism is a disease.

Types of Addictions:

1. Items outside the body - sports, hobbies, etc

2. Substance(s) taken into the body - smoking, drinking, drugs. The things are inside of the body.

3. Sexual and or religious

The brain produces endorphin - natural pain killers, natural highs.

Attending Skills

S it squarely

O pen posture

L ean forward

E ye contact

R elax

Body language:

60% is verbal.

40% is spoken.

Counseling Responses

1. Reflective/interpretive - repeating what they say to let them know you're listening: tracking

-Help them understand what they're communicating, encourages the person to continue

2. Confrontive - a. when people are blind

b. when in denial

c. incongruent, not practicing what they preach

3. Probing questions - let the subject come up with the answer in their own mind, get to the heart of the matter.

"A wisely worded question works better than an angry threat."

4. Encourage and support the weaker ones. Try and relate with the subject or make them feel like they can do it. Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me."

5. Understanding - conveying, "Yes, I do understand and feel your pain." "I see, I agree, I understand how you feel." - minimal encouragers: nodding head, saying "yes"

6. Interpretive - usually after they've shared their story, sometimes in the form of a question: "Is this what you're feeling, I hear you saying this"

7. Challenging them to overcome, follow through on treatment plan, do good, get better, change distorted feeling.

--Prescribe the symptom:

a) reverse psychology

b) paradox - giving the person the freedom to do what he has wanted to do. "Tough Love"

W hat do you want?

D oing to get what you want?

E valuate what the person is doing.

D evelop a plan to get what is needed

Appropriate Disclosure - how much you tell the public as a counselor

The Law of Self-Disclosure - you tell more with longer and deeper relationships

~~~~~~~9/29

Optional books for future reference:

The Minister as Crisis Counselor by David Switzer

Christian Psychiatry by Frank Minirth and Walter Byrd M.Ds (both)

Practical Psychology for Pastors by William R. Miller and Kathleen A. Jackson

Carl Jung said that among all of his patients over 35 years old needed to regain a spiritual outlook before they were healed. They were lacking spiritually.

History of PC

Proverb 15:22 "There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors."

Isaiah 9:6 "He will be called Counselor."

The Hebrew word estah is means advice given or received.

Yaatz means giving or receiving counsel.

Sodh means sweet counsel or familiar conversation.

NT Greek words for counseling:

Noutheto means to instruct or confront (Nouthetic counsel).

Paraclete means Holy Spirit is the helper or the one called alongside of

Symboulos means counselor or advisor

Biblical examples and characters in counseling:

In the time of the Patriarchs, the older man of the house tended to the problems (dad or grandfather). Moses and Jethro had a counseling relationship. Jethro told him that he needed some helpers and shouldn't do everything alone.

The prophet Samuel was the first circuit writing preacher. He heard controversies and gave judgement and counsel as needed.

Jeremiah and Ezekiel cared about people, were good listeners and were compassionate.

Jesus made no distinction between people. He was the friend of sinners. He wanted to heal the sick.

Paul's letters were to counsel churches and people. The dynamic of Christian love in the past was a motivating force behind pastoral counseling for centuries.

John Chrysostem

The character of a counselor determines to a large extent if people seek your help.

Medieval Christian counseling is obscure due to darkness of the age and controversy. St. Augustine.

If we hold on to false doctrine, the Holy Spirit reveals it to us. How can cult members who hold on to false doctrines have the Spirit of the Lord? Have they spent any time with the true God at all?

If you do something out of a Spirit of love, people will listen.

Martin Luther struggled with oppression. Charles Spurgeon struggled with oppression, too.

Themes throughout the history of Pastoral Counseling

1. Healing of Souls

2. Helping people with problems of living (husband and wife, relationship, psychological issues)

Modern Era concerning PC

Anton Biosen, Mass. minister who had been in a mental hospital, later a Seminary professor. He began the Clinical Pastoral Education movement (CPE). Experiencing first hand people in dire need. Later, there was a split. One became AAPC the American Association of Pastoral Counseling.

Recent names in PC:

Wayne Oates - there's a quote by him in Christian Counseling, "the pastor will receive questions and people to counsel whether he wants to or not."

John Drykeford - SW Seminary teacher

Edward Draper - Kansas, H. Newton Maloney - Seminary Professor, Howard Klinebell, Larry Crab, Gary Collins

Pastoral counseling would be more of a shepherding and discipling role. There are many similarities between Christian and Pastoral counseling.

Test is on notes and articles.

Johari Window:

Known to Self Not Known to Self

Known to Others Public self Blind self

Not Known to Others Hidden self Unknown or Potential Self

--What I know about me and reveal, that is my public self.

Good counseling, training and discipleship results in growth.

***Know this for test!!! And know S O L E R. Know Counseling Responses.

People come for counseling with a presenting problem. This may be the surface of a root problem. Probing helps to find a root problem. Some are hiding and some don't know their problem.

Pg. 28 is on the test in Benner. Pg. 31 2^nd paragraph. Religious resources should empower people. Not diminish them. Healthy religion empowers, sick religion pulls down.

Pg. 32 Benner has a definition of psychological counseling.

Know these terms: Bibliotherapeutic is giving good literature to read to subjects

holistic, structured, spiritually focused, explicitly Christian - major points of Strategic Pastoral Counseling.

***What does spiritually focused or explicitly Christian mean to me? How would you structure counseling?

Pg. 64 table

~~~~~~~10/6

Test next week - 10/30

10/27 - Super conference workshop instead of class, write 1 page critique or take handout

Study this for test:

1. Notes: illustrations, major points

2. Book reading assignments: yellow Christian Counseling chapters 1-5, Collins chapters 1-5, Benner chapters the whole book, Ciarrochi chapters 1, 3.

3. Handouts and articles: Joseph Verga article, Larry Crabb, "Old Fashioned Pastor", Face To Face With Myself, Genograms

True and False, Matching, Short Answer

I.e. the significance of the Joe Verga article or the thesis of the Larry Crabb article. Know the author and the title and significance. How did the article effect you? What does Benner mean by strategic PC? What is PC by Benner?

The objective in counseling is helping them, not necessarily changing people's theology. Just like witnessing is the purpose of giving salvation (usually). Occasionally, theology is the problem in both cases, but not always.

Pg. 64 table 4, strategic counseling model.

Engagement stage:

Disengagement stage:

Study the model. On the Test, give my model, teacher's model, or book model

Crabb:

1. Identify the Problem Thinking

2. Identify Problem Behavior

3. Apply and develop appropriate Biblical thinking/behavior

Teacher (Scott's) model:

A Model for Short Term PC

***Identified Patient with Presenting Problem -- paragraph or two on test. Know this!

1. Listen

2. Probe for the "Root"

3. Select the most important problem to tackle

4. Make a diagnosis - chapter 3 in Cariochi book, takes discernment and practical knowledge

5. Devise a treatment plan, help use a plan that is agreed upon together so that the patient will take more responsibility.

a) thinking, feeling, actions - these problems are intertwined, intermingled, etc

6. Homework - for the patient

a) behavioral practice, bibliotheraphy: give scriptures or Bible books that pertain to their problem.

1 John 1:9, Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.", Philippians 4

Next session:

1. Review

2. Compliment and encourage, point out in love when people slough off or don't do anything

Cariochi, pg. 29 - Assess what is wrong. Therapeutic intervention is futile when someone only wants to complain. Need knowledge, relationship skills and the ability to organize data from the stories.

--We have to have some steps to finding out what is wrong with someone.

Benner, pg. 70-74 - Pastoral diagnosis from a spiritual point of view

*******~~~~~~~10/20

Christian Counseling Book: pg. 475, (4 Quadrants of sinfulness):

1. The sins that I have done -- Don't know; false assumptions

2. I've been sinned against by others. -- Poverty, political oppression, family pathology

3. Non-specific sins; I didn't want to be that way. -- Negative feelings, lack of faith, inferiority, false assumptions or bad ways of thinking

4. People have problems because they live in a sinful world. -- Poverty, political oppression, social problems, racism, prejudice

Crabb says the biggest need in life is security and significance. Security-having my needs met. Significance-realizing potential, realizing identity.

3 Kinds of Counseling: Restorative, Preventative, Educative

Guilt is feeling bad for what they've done. Shame is feeling bad about who or what they are.

Trying to meet needs in a wrong way leads to problems.

1. Unreachable goals result in frustration, guilt, anger

2. External circumstances won't let needs be met; leading to resentment

3. Fear of Failure; resulting in anxiety. Prolonged anxiety results in ulcers and problems. Unconfessed sin can lead to anxiety. Handling problems incorrectly can produce anxiety, fear and problems.

Common Mistakes in Pastoral Counseling:

1. Not Listening

2. Confidentiality

3. Counseling Beyond One's Ability

4. Being Judgmental

5. Emotional Over-Involvement

6. Transference; counter-transference

7. Mis-Diagnosis

8. Taking Sides

Alcoholism: 1/4 evil spirits, 1/4 family pathology, unmet needs

Attending Skills

S it squarely

O pen posture

L ean forward

E ye contact

R elax

Body language:

60% is verbal.

40% is spoken.

Counseling Responses

1. Reflective/interpretive - repeating what they say to let them know you're listening: tracking

-Help them understand what they're communicating, encourages the person to continue

2. Confrontive - a. when people are blind

b. when in denial

c. incongruent, not practicing what they preach

3. Probing questions - let the subject come up with the answer in their own mind, get to the heart of the matter.

"A wisely worded question works better than an angry threat."

4. Encourage and support the weaker ones. Try and relate with the subject or make them feel like they can do it. Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me."

5. Understanding - conveying, "Yes, I do understand and feel your pain." "I see, I agree, I understand how you feel." - minimal encouragers: nodding head, saying "yes"

6. Interpretive - usually after they've shared their story, sometimes in the form of a question: "Is this what you're feeling, I hear you saying this"

7. Challenging them to overcome, follow through on treatment plan, do good, get better, change distorted feeling.

--Prescribe the symptom:

a) reverse psychology

b) paradox - giving the person the freedom to do what he has wanted to do. "Tough Love"

W hat do you want?

D oing to get what you want?

E valuate what the person is doing.

D evelop a plan to get what is needed

The Hebrew words for counseling:

Estah = advice given or received.

Yaatz = giving or receiving counsel.

Sodh = sweet counsel or familiar conversation.

NT Greek words for counseling:

Noutheto = to instruct or confront (Nouthetic counsel).

Paraclete = Holy Spirit is the helper or the one called alongside of

Symboulos = counselor or advisor

Themes throughout the history of Pastoral Counseling

1. Healing of Souls

2. Helping people with problems of living (husband and wife, relationship, psychological issues)

Public me = what I know about myself and reveal

Johari Window:

Known to Self Not Known to Self

Known to Others Public self Blind self

Not Known to Others Hidden self Unknown or Potential Self

Jethro (to Moses), Samuel, Jeremiah, Ezekiel and Jesus were all Christian counselors.

Pg. 28 is on the test in Benner. Pg. 31 2^nd paragraph. Religious resources should empower people. Not diminish them. Healthy religion empowers, sick religion pulls down.

Pg. 32 Benner has a definition of psychological counseling.

Know these terms: Bibliotherapeutic is giving good literature to read to subjects

holistic, structured, spiritually focused, explicitly Christian - major points of Strategic Pastoral Counseling.

***What does spiritually focused or explicitly Christian mean to me? How would you structure counseling?

Pg. 64 table

Study this for test:

1. Notes: illustrations, major points

2. Book reading assignments: yellow Christian Counseling chapters 1-5, Collins chapters 1-5, Benner chapters the whole book, Ciarrochi chapters 1, 3.

3. Handouts and articles: Joseph Verga article, Larry Crabb, "Old Fashioned Pastor", Face To Face With Myself, Genograms

True and False, Matching, Short Answer

I.e. the significance of the Joe Verga article or the thesis of the Larry Crabb article. Know the author and the title and significance. How did the article effect you? What does Benner mean by strategic PC? What is PC by Benner?

The objective in counseling is helping them, not necessarily changing people's theology. Just like witnessing is the purpose of giving salvation (usually). Occasionally, theology is the problem in both cases, but not always.

Pg. 64 table 4, strategic counseling model.

Engagement stage:

Disengagement stage:

Study the model. On the Test, give my model, teacher's model, or book model

Crabb:

1. Identify the Problem Thinking

2. Identify Problem Behavior

3. Apply and develop appropriate Biblical thinking/behavior

Teacher (Scott's) model:

A Model for Short Term PC

***Identified Patient with Presenting Problem -- paragraph or two on test. Know this!

1. Listen

2. Probe for the "Root"

3. Select the most important problem to tackle

4. Make a diagnosis - chapter 3 in Cariochi book, takes discernment and practical knowledge

5. Devise a treatment plan, help use a plan that is agreed upon together so that the patient will take more responsibility.

a) thinking, feeling, actions - these problems are intertwined, intermingled, etc

6. Homework - for the patient

a) behavioral practice, bibliotheraphy: give scriptures or Bible books that pertain to their problem.

1 John 1:9, Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.", Philippians 4

~~~~~~~10/13

**For My Philosophy of Pastoral Counseling paper--this is my paper and my philosophy.

1. What is the role of counseling in Christian church ministry?

2. What is my ministry of counseling at the present?

3. What do I foresee/expect my counseling ministry to be in the future?

4. What kinds of problems do I expect to encounter in my future counseling ministry? If I'm a _______ what kinds of problems do I think my patients will have?

5. A. What types of problems will I attempt to handle?

B. What types of problems will I have to refer in attempting to help?

6. In my future ministry how will I relate to other helpers in my community? (How will I interact with the town doctor when my people have needs? How will I use them as part of the team? How will I relate to the hospital when my patient has a breakdown? I'm expected to visit them. How will I relate to other people with expertise that I do not have?

7. What is the role of scripture, theory, technique, etc. in my helping ministry? (Bibliotherapy roles)

7 or more pages, 7 or more resources (Bible, books, journals, articles, interviews (YDI), handouts) Due December 1^st. Include a title page and bibliography and name.

~~~~~~~11/3

Reasons people keep secrets: fear and shame

Marital Secrets - infidelity, white lies, child with other person

Family Secrets - an alcoholic, a diseased person, someone born out of wedlock, etc.

Church Secrets - the pastor is a drunk or stealing money, rumors, etc.

Keeping secrets from a spouse, like having an affair, can be very bad.

-- Fear of the truth being revealed, possibility of keeping more secrets from spouse, possibility of future affair or similar secret, could justify smaller secrets easier.

3 Courts:

1. Man

2. God

3. Self

Great faith needs great challenges. It comes when we are faced with a challenge or temptation and we respond to it in the right way.

If you pressure people to go one way or the other, they may not follow through with it.

Therapeutic Alliance -- the relationship with counselor and patient

Characteristics for a Counselor:

1. A person of God (prayer and devotion time)

2. Need to possess the gift of Love

3. Empathy (identification with the person in their own context, "I understand")

4. Active Listening (not talking and not thinking your own thoughts)

5. Unconditional Acceptance (unconditional positive regard, accepting attitude-not condemning, not accepting the sin, but accepting the sinner)

6. Transparency (vulnerable, genuine)

7. Be Real (honest and open)

8. Confidentiality

9. You are an Effective Communicator (you cannot, not communicate--even the congregation will be communicating verbally)

10. Congruent Person (practice what you preach--your verbal message is what you try and live)

(congruent--actions and language matches)

11. Unshockable (the counselor should counsel without raised eyebrows, with a poker face, no horror or dismay)

12. You are Personal and Approachable (warmth and comforting presence, nonjudgmental, keeping a loving tone of voice, smiling and making some eye contact)

13. Possess Knowledge and Understanding (basic human needs, life span development, spiritual and psychological laws, we need to know how God made people to function)

14. Insight and Discernment (insight is a human ability to see what is really there--going from apparent problem to root problem, discernment is a spiritual gift that sees what is good and evil, Hebrews 4:12)

15. Balance and Maturity (evangelism and discipleship, counseling and preaching, also a balance between spiritual truths and needs to human/scientific truths and needs, experience)

16. Patience (change is slow and sometimes people backslide, people sometimes need a recharge)

17. Wisdom (to apply these things)

Privileged Communication

1. Intent to harm

2. Suicidal intent

3. Abuse

-- Other professionals have to report these, but Pastoral Counselors can decide what is best, despite regulations against other professionals.

Benner's quoting Oates --

Holy Spirit and Counseling:

1. Wisdom

2. Relax--God, not you is ultimately responsible. John 14:26 the Holy Spirit is the true counselor. All spiritual growth is the act of God. The counselor can relax since God is in total control.

3. Ministry to the Pastoral Counselor (by the Holy Spirit--the overflow helps us minister to others)

4. Same for patient and the Parishioner (both have God working in their lives and can accept help from Him)

5. The Spirit will bring to mind all that Jesus has taught.

6. The Spirit is what convicts of sin. John 16:8

God has given us the privilege and responsibility of being fruit inspectors (judges). Humans don't have the power or authority to judge a person's heart and salvation.

November 10 ~

"There are so many sub-normal Christian families, when you see a normal one, it seems sub-normal."

Numbers 14:18 "'The LORD is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.

-- This could explain why we see the same problems in genealogies.

We are attracted to people who have strengths where we have weaknesses.

The Functional Family:

1. The climate of the home is positive, the atmosphere is basically nonjudgmental.

2. Each member is valued and accepted.

3. Each person is allowed to operate within their proper role.

4. Members care for one another.

5. The communication process is open.

6. Reared in such a way they can mature and become individuals.

2 Corinthians 3:16 "Nevertheless when it shall turn to the Lord, the veil shall be taken away."

Like in Gen. 3, churches and society are afraid. God wants fellowship with people.

Scaptgoat role is like the one in the OT. People put the sins on the goat.

See handouts on Dysfunctional, Functional and My Family? Your Family?, Understanding Intimacy Needs

Health promotes health, dysfunction promotes dysfunction.

Personality is developed in the first 6 years. Change in personality is very difficult. People who say God is a crutch are hurting, too, but don't admit it.

The gospel shines a light on our problems and challenges. It reveals our needs.

Nov. 17 - Relationships cont.

Nov. 24 - 2^nd test

Dec. 1 - paper due

Collins chapters 24-30

pg. 360

According to Paul, a single person my be better suited to serve God. A single person has less responsibilities and attachments, so they can move or serve God easier. God has given some people the gift of singleness.

90-95% of Americans will marry at least once.

Reasons they won't get married:

1. Serving God

2. Personality deficits, family pathology

3. Schizoid personality does not have the desire to pursue intimate relationships

-- some people can't accept their singleness

Most churches have single ministries, now. There is a need for one.

Singles live in a "couples world."

A single person who is healthy is often more attractive than a clingy, needy person.

Finding God's will in our lives is the way to healing and success.

A man who is in control of their sexual lives is a self-disciplined man.

Find your standards before you are in a tempting situation.

Sexual temptation is not new. It may be more fashionable or tempting that before, but not new.

Pg. 368

1. Evaluate your own attitude to singles

2.

Why do people marry?

1. Security - emotional, spiritual, financial

2. To escape the family and leave home

3. Sex

4. Create your own family

5. Love

6. Unplanned Pregnancy

7. Money

8. Political Reasons

9. Social Reasons

10. Arranged by parents

11. Fulfilling Expectations

Premarital Counseling is very good to have before marriage. Dr. Scott gave premarital counseling to 40-50 people. Only 3 have been divorced.

Marriage is sort of like working with someone. People can work with someone if they try. Sometimes they must try very hard. Couples with the same socioeconomic and religious background increase the chances of staying together.

***

Main Objectives of Premarital Counseling:

1. To determine marital readiness (are they ready for marriage?)

2. To help them decide whether they made a good marital choice

3. Give them scriptural reasons for marriage and dealing with problems

4.

Before I become a pastoral counselor or marry anybody, I must decide who I will marry and who I won't marry. Will I marry non-Christians? Will I marry one believer and one unbeliever? Will I marry divorced people? Should I marry people who are having pre-marital sex?

Carriaochi book - Anxiety disorders

November 17 ~

Premarital counseling can be 1, 2, or 3 sessions. Dr. Scott has counseled people who were having premarital sex and asked them to stop and monitored their behavior.

Review for Test:

Chapter 3 in Minister's Handbook for Mental Disorders under Assessment.

Chapter 4 - Anxiety Disorders

Chapter 5 - Mood Disorders

Chaps. 24-30 Singleness through Divorce and Remarriage (Collins' Christian Counseling book)

(Benner pg. 59)

Major Mood Disorders -

1. Bipolar:

2. Anxiety Disorders:

Diagnosing Cases

Holy Spirit in Counseling

Characteristics of Pastoral Counseling - 17 (on page 17 of notes, ironically) -- know 17

Using scriptures in Counseling - Know scriptures from loneliness to depression on test

i.e. what is the Ciarrochi book saying about Assessment or Mood Disorders

i.e. What does Collins' book say about these issues

Memorizing is good, but a working knowledge is important

Handouts:

Stages of Family Life Cycles

Setting Contracts in the Marriage

Ways to Build Self-Esteem

Short discussion on the end of the test.

The characteristics of a Pastoral Counselor's life. Which ones do I need to develop?

Counseling singles -- what major issues will I deal with? In singles ministry at church?

Today's class:

Premarital and Marital Counseling

Main Goals/Objectives of Premarital Counseling:

1. Determine Readiness

2. Good mate selection

3. Biblical teaching about marriage

4. Helping them spot and discuss problematic issues or areas

pg. 386

Conclusion About Mate Selection -- paragraph

Love by Dr. Scott -- When your desire for that special person about their happiness and well being is as much as you have for yourself.

You cannot compromise Values in a relationship.

Marriage is the most important and strenuous relationship. (Most intense -- tested and tried in so many ways -- you see the other person's and your undesirable traits)

Marriage is the 2^nd most important decision you will ever make.

Accepting Christ is the most important decision. Will He be Lord and Master, a fire insurance policy, or nothing to you?

(Not on test)

Predictors of Marital Success

1. How old the couple is

2. Maturity level - spiritually and emotionally

3. The home each other came from - healthy or dysfunctional

4. The marital success of their parents (do the parents have a committed relationship to each other? Or were they unstable? Sometimes these work in an opposite way: the parent doesn't want to be a spouse like their parent was, so they do everything to make it work)

5. The approval of others (for example, people who get married in a church stay together longer than people in shotgun marriages. People take these vows more seriously...they are in front of more people...etc.)

6. Happily married people have a healthy expectation of marriage

7. Realistic idea of love

8. Positive outlook toward life

*9. The ability to communicate with each other (hopes, fears, desires, biases, prejudices, etc.)

10. Understanding and acceptance of themselves and their mate/partner

11. The ability to make decisions and settle arguments

12. A common spiritual foundation and goals

-- People who are similar in a lot of ways have more marital success.

Myths of Marriage:

1. We expect exactly the same thing out of marriage

2. Everything good in our relationship will get better and better

3. Everything bad in my life will disappear

4. My spouse will make me happy or whole - no one can make a person happy except the person and God

5. I can change him or her OR they will change after we marry (never date/marry a fixer-uper)

6. Children will make your relationship better (make him or her stay home)

(Each generation had some things that others have not and lose some things that others have had -- a person quote and a bit random)

Ephesians chapters 4-6 are good to use for helping others in premarital counseling or re-marital counseling

His Needs/Her Needs is a good book for counseling, by Willard Harby. This book has 5 main needs that each sex looks for.

(The man often finds his security in his work and money. A woman often finds her security in him and family)

1. Leave (death to previous romantic relationships)

2. Cleave (glued together, adhere....when you pull apart it will break and ruin)

3. Become one flesh (sex and best friend)

Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

Helping them spot and discuss problematic issues or areas

-- tests can help

Red Flags "Symptoms"

1. Value

2. Financial

3. Sexual

4. Career

5. Children

6. In-laws

7. Spiritual issues

8. Social and political issues (if one is a die hard republican and one is a die hard democrat, problems will arise)

-- the ability to settle differences and negotiate are important. When one person is determined, that could make the other one miserable.

-- if you want to find out what one of the people will grow up to be like, look at their same sexed adult.

Complimentary and contradictory needs in marriage by Collins

Opposites attract. But if the people always have different needs (one wants to go out, one wants to stay in, that can hurt the relationship). How extreme the contrast or the ability to negotiate can harm or help the relationship.

Eustress: Positive Stress

Distress: Negative Stress

Pie Technique

10 pieces of the pie - how many of the pieces of pie are my problems, how many are my spouses?

-- this will show how the couple sees problems (differently or similarly) are they seeing what they are doing wrong? Are they simply blaming the other person and in denial? Are they telling the truth?

-- communication could definitely be part of this problem. How do they handle things? Are they getting things out in the open or hiding things or blaming things??

Review for Test on November 24

Chapter 3 in Minister's Handbook for Mental Disorders under Assessment.

Chapter 4 - Anxiety Disorders

Chapter 5 - Mood Disorders

Chaps. 24-30 Singleness through Divorce and Remarriage (Collins' Christian Counseling book)

(Benner pg. 59)

Major Mood Disorders -

1. Bipolar:

2. Anxiety Disorders:

Diagnosing Cases

Benner's quoting Oates --

Holy Spirit and Counseling:

1. Wisdom

2. Relax--God, not you is ultimately responsible. John 14:26 the Holy Spirit is the true counselor. All spiritual growth is the act of God. The counselor can relax since God is in total control.

3. Ministry to the Pastoral Counselor (by the Holy Spirit--the overflow helps us minister to others)

4. Same for patient and the Parishioner (both have God working in their lives and can accept help from Him)

5. The Spirit will bring to mind all that Jesus has taught.

6. The Spirit is what convicts of sin. John 16:8

Characteristics for a Pastoral Counselor:

1. A person of God (prayer and devotion time)

2. Need to possess the gift of Love

3. Empathy (identification with the person in their own context, "I understand")

4. Active Listening (not talking and not thinking your own thoughts)

5. Unconditional Acceptance (unconditional positive regard, accepting attitude-not condemning, not accepting the sin, but accepting the sinner)

6. Transparency (vulnerable, genuine)

7. Be Real (honest and open)

8. Confidentiality

9. You are an Effective Communicator (you cannot, not communicate--even the congregation will be communicating verbally)

10. Congruent Person (practice what you preach--your verbal message is what you try and live)

(congruent--actions and language matches)

11. Unshockable (the counselor should counsel without raised eyebrows, with a poker face, no horror or dismay)

12. You are Personal and Approachable (warmth and comforting presence, nonjudgmental, keeping a loving tone of voice, smiling and making some eye contact)

13. Possess Knowledge and Understanding (basic human needs, life span development, spiritual and psychological laws, we need to know how God made people to function)

14. Insight and Discernment (insight is a human ability to see what is really there--going from apparent problem to root problem, discernment is a spiritual gift that sees what is good and evil, Hebrews 4:12)

15. Balance and Maturity (evangelism and discipleship, counseling and preaching, also a balance between spiritual truths and needs to human/scientific truths and needs, experience)

16. Patience (change is slow and sometimes people backslide, people sometimes need a recharge)

17. Wisdom (to apply these things)

Using scriptures in Counseling - Know scriptures from loneliness to depression on test

i.e. what is the Ciarrochi book saying about Assessment or Mood Disorders

i.e. What does Collins' book say about these issues

Memorizing is good, but a working knowledge is important

Handouts:

Stages of Family Life Cycles

Setting Contracts in the Marriage

Ways to Build Self-Esteem

Short discussion on the end of the test.

The characteristics of a Pastoral Counselor's life. Which ones do I need to develop?

Counseling singles -- what major issues will I deal with? In singles ministry at church?

Main Goals/Objectives of Premarital Counseling:

1. Determine Readiness

2. Good mate selection

3. Biblical teaching about marriage

4. Helping them spot and discuss problematic issues or areas

The Functional Family:

1. The climate of the home is positive, the atmosphere is basically nonjudgmental.

2. Each member is valued and accepted.

3. Each person is allowed to operate within their proper role.

4. Members care for one another.

5. The communication process is open.

6. Reared in such a way they can mature and become individuals.

Crabb:

1. Identify the Problem Thinking

2. Identify Problem Behavior

3. Apply and develop appropriate Biblical thinking/behavior

Teacher (Scott's) model:

A Model for Short Term PC

***Identified Patient with Presenting Problem -- paragraph or two on test. Know this!

1. Listen

2. Probe for the "Root"

3. Select the most important problem to tackle

4. Make a diagnosis - chapter 3 in Cariochi book, takes discernment and practical knowledge

5. Devise a treatment plan, help use a plan that is agreed upon together so that the patient will take more responsibility.

a) thinking, feeling, actions - these problems are intertwined, intermingled, etc

6. Homework - for the patient

a) behavioral practice, bibliotheraphy: give scriptures or Bible books that pertain to their problem.

1 John 1:9, Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.", Philippians 4

December 1 (when I was in Atlanta) notes ~

Anxiety:

1. Phobia = fear of

a. Animal-insect

b. Blood-injury

c. Nature

d. Situations

2. Disorders

a. Panic Disorder

b. Agoraphobia = fear of having a panic attack

c. Obsessive-compulsive = counting, checking, cleaning

Depression:

1. Cognitive Components

a. Negative way of thinking

b. Self-defeating

2. Action Components

a. Lethargic

b. Not want to get out of bed

3. Affective Components

a. Feel depressed

b. Terminal insomnia

c. Suicidal

4. Vegetative Biological Symptoms -- change in:

a. Sleep

b. Eating

c. Sex

d. Interests

5. Levels of Depression

a. Mild = help by therapy alone

b. Moderate = medication then therapy

c. Severe = medication then therapy

6. Causes of Depression

a. Devil/demons

b. Biological = blood, glands and hormones

c. Cognitive = wrong thinking

* Depressive triad = feel negative about self, life situation and future

December 8 ~

DSM 4 movie on a bipolar woman.

1-3% of the people in the public have a disorder such as this one.

-- Be aware of these kinds of people.

20-40% of the population is depressed at some time.

-- Hearing noises is a problem. Ask if they are hearing noises outside of their head or inside their head.

DSM 4 movie on a schizophrenic woman.

This woman thought that an eagle was talking to her. And General Motors was controlling her and the eagle. She thought that Jesus was talking to her at strange increments in time. Her thoughts about time were very strange. Just the way she talked about it was weird. She had different feelings about different increments in time; the eagle did things at certain time increments and told time differently than she did.

-- This is one case of schizophrenia; not every case is like this one.

Religion could be unhealthy when it controls people. Even orthodox religion, when you used to control or punish people, can be harmful. For instance, some people use religion to help punish their children.

-- Some people cannot or will not find God. It is easier when people are younger. Some people have seriously violated their moral code and cannot accept God's forgiveness or forgive themselves. They find it hard to live with themselves. This can lead to pathology.

When people came to Jesus in true repentance, He always restored them, forgave them and accepted them. To the people who came to play games, Jesus rebuked them and confronted them. Give me discernment, God.

Personality Disorders. These affect about 1 in 5 adults to one degree or another.

-- There is an unclear boundary between normal and disordered behavior.

Personality disorders overlap Axis 1 disorders (serious disorders).

Classifying Personality Disorders

A. Odd or Eccentric Behaviors

B. Dramatic, Emotional or Erratic Behavior

C. Anxious or Fearful Behaviors

Self reinforcing cycle: For example, a person stays away from somebody because they think they aren't liked, so they think that person is avoiding them.

Paranoid - Suspicion, mistrust, hypersensitivity, expects to be exploited by others, questions loyalty of peers, reads hidden meaning in benign remarks, bears grudges, reluctant to confide, has recurrent suspicions, perceives attacks on character, accusatory toward church and members

Shizoid - (hermit is an extreme) Withdrawn, reserved, seclusive, neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, chooses solitary activities, few activities provide pleasure, little desire to have sexual experiences, indifferent to praise, no close friends, shows emotional coldness. Usually quiet and not a problem in church; they don't usually come to church. I.e. mechanic, welder, plumber...solitary workers.

Schizotypal - inappropriate ideas of reference, excessive social anxiety, odd beliefs or thoughts, unusual perceptions, odd speech or responses to questions, paranoid ideas, eccentric appearance, no close friends, inappropriate affect. Odd belief system.

Dramatic, Emotional and Erratic Behaviors:

Histrionic - rapidly shifting, shallow, expressions of emotion, overly concerned with physical attractiveness, inappropriately sexually seductive in appearance or behavior, uncomfortable when not the center of attention, excessively impressionistic speech (make things sound fantastic no matter what they truly were), intolerant of situations that do not work out as desired, views relationships as more intimate than is the case. These could be dangerous to the pastor if they try and seduce them.

Narcissistic - grandiose sense of self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, or beauty, sense of one's specialness or uniqueness, requires excessive admiration and attention, sense of entitlement, exploits other people, lacks empathy for others, often envious of others or believes others are envious. Some of these people go to big churches because they are in the spotlight and they think they can be in the spotlight, too. This person usually wants and is attracted to the best of everything: clothes, cars, ministries, etc.

Antisocial - violation of the rights of others, criminals and people who won't obey the rules or learn from their mistakes, failure to conform to social norms, deceitfulness, manipulative-ness, impulsive, irritability or aggressiveness, reckless disregard for safety, consistent irresponsibility, lack of remorse (sometimes abuse people, sometimes don't stay in one place for very long, a lot of prisoners have antisocial behavior, they usually don't have avoidance learning--the stove burns, so don't touch it--crime pays, so don't do it).

Borderline - Instability in a variety of areas, frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, unstable and intense relationships, persistent and disturbed sense of self, impulsiveness in sex, crime, or drug use, recurrent suicidal thoughts, emotional instability, chronic feelings of emptiness, inappropriate anger, transient paranoid anger (i.e. the Unabomber, my old girlfriend Jenny)

Characterized by Anxious or Fearful Behaviors:

Avoidant - Hypersensitive, anticipates being rejected, few friends, despite desire for them, unwilling to get involved with others, avoids social activities that involve contact, inhibits intimate relationships, has low self-worth, unusually reluctant to try new experiences

Dependent - unable to make decisions without advice, allows others to make important decisions, difficulty expressing disagreement, difficulty initiating activities, seeks nurturing, feels helpless when alone, indiscriminate in seeking relationships

Obsessive-Compulsive - perfectionism that interferes, preoccupation with details, rules, order, reluctance to delegate tasks to others, excessive devotion to work and productivity, over- conscientitiousness, miserly with spending, can't discard objects, rigid and stubborn

-- Each of these psychological problems have different degrees and opposites. The opposites are also bad. These are psychological and spiritual, not usually biological.

-- Balance: too much of any one things is usually bad.

Personality disorders are generally not biological, but they are acquired.

Gary Gilmore killed a couple of people on impulse in 1977. He got the death sentence. He didn't want to appeal. Other people protested for him, but he fought their appeals. "I'll see you in the darkness beyond." He was thinking about hell, most likely, without remorse for his sins.

His father was a criminal and alcoholic, too. Generally, there's not love in these kinds of families. By parents, they get punished severely for minor offenses and not at all for major ones. The child is confused.

***FOR TEST

Review notes

some matching for 12-8 personality disorders list

What is counseling?

Attending Skills

S it squarely

O pen posture

L ean forward

E ye contact

R elax

7 Counseling Responses - know what they are and how to use them

1. Reflective/interpretive - repeating what they say to let them know you're listening: tracking

-Help them understand what they're communicating, encourages the person to continue

2. Confront -

a. when people are blind

b. when in denial

c. incongruent, not practicing what they preach

3. Probing questions - let the subject come up with the answer in their own mind, get to the heart of the matter.

"A wisely worded question works better than an angry threat."

4. Encourage and support the weaker ones. Try and relate with the subject or make them feel like they can do it. Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me."

5. Understanding - conveying, "Yes, I do understand and feel your pain." "I see, I agree, I understand how you feel." - minimal encouragers: nodding head, saying "yes"

6. Interpretive - usually after they've shared their story, sometimes in the form of a question: "Is this what you're feeling, I hear you saying this"

7. Challenging them to overcome, follow through on treatment plan, do good, get better, change distorted feeling.

--Prescribe the symptom:

a) reverse psychology

b) paradox - giving the person the freedom to do what he has wanted to do. "Tough Love"

P robing Questions

R eflect

I nterpret

C onfront

E ncourage

U nderstand

C hallenge

Characteristics for a Counselor:

1. A person of God (prayer and devotion time)

2. Need to possess the gift of Love

3. Empathy (identification with the person in their own context, "I understand")

4. Active Listening (not talking and not thinking your own thoughts)

5. Unconditional Acceptance (unconditional positive regard, accepting attitude-not condemning, not accepting the sin, but accepting the sinner)

6. Transparency (vulnerable, genuine)

7. Be Real (honest and open)

8. Confidentiality

9. You are an Effective Communicator (you cannot, not communicate--even the congregation will be communicating non-verbally)

10. Congruent Person (practice what you preach--your verbal message is what you try and live)

(congruent--actions and language matches)

11. Unshockable (the counselor should counsel without raised eyebrows, with a poker face, no horror or dismay)

12. You are Personal and Approachable (warmth and comforting presence, nonjudgmental, keeping a loving tone of voice, smiling and making some eye contact)

13. Possess Knowledge and Understanding (basic human needs, life span development, spiritual and psychological laws, we need to know how God made people to function)

14. Insight and Discernment (insight is a human ability to see what is really there--going from apparent problem to root problem, discernment is a spiritual gift that sees what is good and evil, Hebrews 4:12)

15. Balance and Maturity (evangelism and discipleship, counseling and preaching, also a balance between spiritual truths and needs to human/scientific truths and needs, experience)

16. Patience (change is slow and sometimes people backslide, people sometimes need a recharge)

17. Wisdom (to apply these things)

How will you protect yourself and your ministry from a moral failure/offense or accusation?

True guilty and false and neurotic guilt, shame, the unpardonable sin. Know these and how to differentiate. Ask the patient about their sin and why they are guilty.

Neurotic guilt: people trying to atone for their sins

Last 3 chapters in Carriochi--Sexual, addictive and personality disorders

anxiety and mood disorders (review)

Only handout on the test will be the Use of Religious Assessment in Counseling H.O.

How would you go about assessing? End of semester notes.